Humble Pie – managing the bad times…

“If you don’t do things that question your choices from time to time, you forget why you ever made them.”

The other day I wrote about how much of a good time I am having with the baby, being off work.  I wrote it on Friday, just as I was about to go on a weekend away in London to stay with friends – no wife, no baby.

Well, now it’s time for some humble pie, and maybe a lesson.

This week, I’m not having a great time.  It’s been shit.  Nothing real has chanced – same options, same weather, same people around.  But something unreal did change – which is my perceptions.  All of a sudden, I’m not enjoying it.  And that makes it harder – I plan less, I concentrate less, and things take longer and are more effort as a consequence.

The reason for the change in perceptions is pretty obvious – I went away and had a brilliant weekend with no responsibilities.  Had a great time (missed some sleep etc) and came home totally unprepared for resuming my responsibilities as a husband and a father.  This must be how mid-life crises start.

So clearly, the trick is to restart somehow – to find a way back in to this lifestyle of responsibilities without missing what freedoms I used to have (and briefly regained this weekend).  It isn’t hard, once you realise you need to do it. In fact, it’s exactly what I did when I first started this blog – by writing aims, making commitments, and investing something in this life…

But it has made me wonder whether the break away from being a Dad was worth it.  I had a great time, but the comedown (purely emotional, not chemical I add) has been despairing.  I mentioned this to a good friend and she said the most useful thing – if you don’t do things that question your choices from time to time, you forget why you ever made them.  She is right. (Thanks, Lisa!)

So I will go away for another weekend of freedom at some point, and I will come back and feel shit, be unproductive and lame for a few days, annoy everyone I speak to with tales of existential angst, and after that, I’ll realise again why I’m in lifestyle in the first place.

So, the wider point, I suppose, is that finding it hard or not is often linked to your perceptions, and they can be controlled with some effort.   I’m a believer in action – we have to take responsibilities for our situation and if we don’t like it, we change it.  Staying positive is a cliche, but it certainly helps (twinstiarasandtantrums blogged about this today too – v interesting).

Humans can cope with anything, if we try.

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4 thoughts on “Humble Pie – managing the bad times…

  1. I have just tried to send you an essay of a post and just lost the whole damn thing ;-( Briefly put, thanks for reading and sharing my post. I think every parent can relate to how you are feeling, it’s just how you chose to deal with those feelings that matters! Keep smiling, this moment will pass and you will be back to enjoying your family again before you know it! ;-D

    • Thanks for the kind words, and sorry you lost your essay – hate when that happens! I think most parent bloggers do so as a way of coping with exactly this kind of thing – the fact i could write about it definitely means it was passing anyway.

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